Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Spring is in the Air - 276 Days Till Vegas Beer Pong Tournament


This is one of my favorite times of the year, Spring. For some reason the nice weather seems to promote drinking, and when I think about drinking in nice weather I think beer pong. Only 276 days until Las Vegas hosts their 5th annual beer pong tournament. "To the victor belong the spoils", $50,000 for 1st place.

I even found the official table of the tournament, pictured on the left, which I will be ordering upon the arrival of my tax return. Now I figure myself and the Flapjack have a good shot at this, and even if we lost, 4 days on the strip sounds good to me. The Flapjack has a National Championship loss at the Division III level under his belt, but I am confident he is Division I worthy, hell we might even be able to give him a scholarship.

I have Division I, Championship winning experience from my glory days in College Park, and to my knowledge my former partner and I are still ranked #1 in Garyland. This tournament is just dying to be dominated by me and the Flapjack. How do I know this???? Check out the rules: http://www.bpong.com/wsobp/official-rules-of-the-world-series-of-beer-pong#VB

If I read correctly you can fill some of the cups with water and no player is required to actually drink beer. This works out perfect for a "night and day" team like us. Before he was "The Flapjack" we named this sharp shooting character "The Sober Sensation", known for draining his cups so fast you might not get a shot. A few misses, a few solo red cups filled 1/3 of the way with beer, this guy becomes vulnerable. However, I'm pretty sure its a must that you have an alcoholic on your team if you have any hope of winning "The Big Check". I read somewhere the guy that won this year chugged a bottle of Jack Daniels before the Championship and was quoted as saying, "I play better when I'm drunk". Thats where I come in. Now I'm not a fan of Jack, but put a bottle of Jager or Sambuca in front of me, they mine as well make the check out in our names today.

Only in Ohio


Somedays you just have to just say f@#k it! I like to drink but this a**hole took it to far. CMD23 talk to him. He needs help!

Year One Trailer



2 monster movie trailers in one day...this also looks great! Michael Cera is quickly becoming on the funniest actors around. This and Tyson both look like must-sees.

Vick Thinks He's Worth $10 Million



Call me crazy, but I don't think Mike Vick was worth even close to $10 mill a year before he went to jail. Apparently Vick believes that he should earn at least $10 million a season...if not more! The Big House must have knocked a few screws loose in poor Mike, because I think he'll be lucky to get a starting gig, let alone a multi-million dollar deal.

Vicks career stats over 6 seasons:

75.7 QB rating

53.8 Completion %

71 TDs - 52 Int

27 Fumbles lost

48 wins - 41 losses - 1 tie

Flapjacks Afternoon Junk Pile...

4.35

Tebows girlfriend (thebiglead)
No decision for Lance Stephenson yet (terps insider)
New UVA coach - Tony Bennett (testudo times)
Kelly Brook in bikini (yeeeah)
Tampa Bay cheerleader try-outs (don chavez)
5 types of girls you meet in a college bar (coed)
Ovechkins GF? (mondesis house)
Hot Villanova girls (gunaxin)
NFL preseason schedule (fanhouse)
Top 29 cities to live in (askmen)





G Sheff - Back, Back, Back, GONE!!!!!!!!!!!

After picking up outfielder Josh Anderson from the Atlanta Braves, the Detroit Tigers released the tobacco chewing, home run crushing, gangster, my man, Gary Sheffield. Sheff is 1 extremely violent bat swing away from hitting his 500th career home run.

Man, I understand why they released Sheff, he is usually injured and his numbers have fallen significantly over the past few years, but I love this guy. I loved him when he was on the Yankees. My favorite Sheff moment was when Pedro threw at him during a Yankees/Sox game and Sheff waved his bat out at Pedro saying "You can't intimidate me!". He must have been in a good mood that day because normally it would be your ass if you throw at G Sheff.

Question: Is Sheff chewing tobacco in this picture??? Sure as hell looks like it to me. Check out the bump on his lower right (your left) lip. Military pressing 200 pounds and getting your nicotine fix at the same time, doesn't get anymore gangster than that.

Reporters Getting Jacked Up

Here's a video of reporters just basically getting jacked up in about every way you can imagine. I think the top two definitely have to be the guy who just gets blindsided by the horse and the dude who gets clipped by the airplane.

Tyson Movie

Here is the trailer for the new Mike Tyson Documentary. Now, Tyson may be the craziest/scariest athlete and or person of all time, but this movie looks absolutely fantastic! I'll be the first to admit, that I've endorsed some borderline movies in the past. However, I will stand behind this one and you can see me there opening night.

MORNING WOOD

Lucy Pinder - UK Model 4.5 on New Hard Scale

Monday, March 30, 2009

Who you got? Kryptonate vs. CP3

Flapjacks Afternoon Junk Pile...

Girl on left looks about a 4.3 Girl on right 4.2

Ghostbusters 3 (/ Film)
Hot Michigan St. girls (gunaxin)
Drunk Dialing Rule (funtasticus)
Duke Univ. best body (uncoached)
Sienna is too rowdy (deadspin)
Ohio St. WRs hot girlfriend (busted coverage)
AL East projections (thebiglead)
Here is a list of ten greatest college basketball programs of the past decade. You may notice that the Terps came in at #10. So for all of the crap that Gary has been getting over the past couple of months, his resume speaks for itself. Sure, he probably could/should have landed a few more stud recruits, especially from the DC area, but he's been to the dance 7 of the last 10 years. He's consistently competitive with Duke and UNC, even though his players are far inferior.

Lance Stephenson to announce his college choice tomorrow. Testudo has his fingers crossed.

Cue Zombie Nation!!

Seinfeld Bloopers


Definitely worth watching all 8 min. of this clip. Great stuff! Even if you're not a Seinfeld fan, (Big Cat) you can't say this stuff isn't hilarious.

Tiger

He's unreal. I guess he's ready for the Masters next week.

11 Worst Sports Video Games Ever



Here is a list of the 11 worst sports related video games ever made. I'm not sure how Bill Laimbeer's Contact Basketball only finished #8. This game looks absolutely terrible!! It took me almost 30 seconds to figure out what the hell was going on in this game. I've also never seen a basketball game that only allows you to play from the birds-eye view perspective. I'd rather punch myself in the face for a half hour straight than have to suffer through playing this game.

MORNING WOOD

Gemma Atkinson
Dated Cristiano Ronaldo and was engaged to Marcus Bent. She's also an English actress and lingerie model.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Big Three

Just incase you were wondering who keeps "The Big Flapjack" going, its "The Big Three". Flapjack, D-Unit, and The Big Guy make miracles happen everyday on the website. Its awesome because we each bring our own unique perspective to the game.

This also means we are all made guys and you can't F*&CK with us. So for all you Duke fans, take a seat, and maybe I will publish a f*&cking article in the next f *&king century when you make the final four. Highly unlikely though.

Anyway, you can say Maryland sucks if you want, just make sure you let me know what college you graduated from so we can compare. I would be happy to defer if you state your college of choice. But, you will probably have to allow me to retort.

Sorry DoOKie, NO FINAL FOUR FOR YOU!



I'm sure its not the first time Jeff Capel lost to the Tarheels and I'm sure it won't be the last. I didn't think Duke could lose twice in the tournament but apparently I was wrong.

This scum bag who used to play for the DoOKies, felt the wrath of Danny Green and Ty Lawson today, except he could only sit on the bench and watch.

Well they can't coach, they can't play, proving Duke is trash, oh well. Better luck with the next class of rocket scientists. As I said earlier, UNC is going to win the National Championship, and they are now one step closer.

Who is this Chump????

Answer: Meet Villanova 9th string guard, Jason Colenda.

I just saw the interview CBS did with Nova at halftime and had to find out who this cracker was sitting in the nose bleed seats of a place with a 15 person maximum capacity. They obviously knew they weren't asking this kid any questions. While Dante Cunningham was sitting in the front row ready to answer if he would rather face the Sooners or Tarheels, this walk-on from Fairfax, VA was probably drunk and chilling in the back row.

Props to my boy though, he "registered one assist" against my hometown heroes from Stony Brook University. Its a shame, he could play in the America East with Stony Brook and be a star, but instead he chose the Big East, where he will remain as a bench warmer forever.

P.S. UNC is doing work, I hope everybody got their bets down in time after I showed up the Flapjack himself. Psycho T, Do Work Son!!!!!!!!!

Heels House

I didn't want to undermine the Flapjack himself, because he is the man, but since he missed our fantasy baseball draft this afternoon he deserves it. Thats right, second time in two days I'm questioning your fanhood in front of the ladies.

How the hell is the Flapjack taking OU today over UNC with the spread???? 7 points, ha, Ty Lawson will spot you 10 points. The Flapjack must have missed the small economic depression we are currently in because obviously he thinks the American people can waste their money on this bet. Come on Flapjack, the kids need to eat, the bills need to get paid in our world.

Don't be foolish, take UNC and bet the house. UNC came to the tournament to do two things: watch Duke get eliminated from the tournament and kick some ass, and news flash Duke is already out of the tournament. UNC wins in double digits. The girl in the pink told me she is confident in the Tarheels, and I believe her.

Sunday Guarantees!!

Flapjack went 2-0 yesterday, bringing my tournament record to 10-5! Picking winners 67% of the time! On to todays picks...


Louisville vs. Michigan St.

Louisvile favored by 7

THE PICK: MICHIGAN ST. +7

Louisville played the game of their life against Arizona...don't expect a repeat performance. Michigan St. will slow this game down and pound Louisville in the paint. Michigan St. covers!




UNC vs. Oklahoma

UNC favored by 7

THE PICK: OKLAHOMA +7

Oklahoma is too good to get beat by more than 7. End of story. Blake Griffin will dominate inside. Hansbrough will not be able to handle him.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Auburn NCAA Swimming Champs

Auburn once again emerged victorious at the NCAA Swimming and Diving Championships, pulling ahead of the Texas Longhorns on the 3rd and final day of competition.

I was pulling for the Longhorns, Eddie Reese was the United States Olympic Head Coach and is a badass. Unfortunately the academic standards at Auburn are just about as high as your local community college, so a 2.3 and 900 SAT your going to get a full academic scholarship, giving them the edge over schools that give diplomas that matter.

I guess you have to hand it to them though, at a meet where just about every NCAA and American record was shattered, they came out on top. Props to Cincinnati for a 41st place finish with a grand total of 2 points.

Final in 7OTs

UVGAY just scored and I might cry. The Cavs would like to thank the ridiculous refs for the worst calls in the history of sports in the longest lacrosse game ever. I hate Virginia and they just moved up a little closer to Duke on my least favorite school ever.

Overtime #7

Well, we are witnessing the longest lacrosse game ever. The Terps took a timeout with 1:05 left in overtime #6 and made a bid for the win with a last second shot, but it was saved by UVA. Move over Syracuse/UCONN we got a new record. P.S. UVA's pep band is still going and pissing me off.

Overtime #6

The officials mine as well give the game away to UVA because they are making the worst calls I have ever seen, and they are all going UVA's way. But, as a Terp, I don't make excuses and the Terps are still alive heading into overtime #6. Maryland won the face off and better score.

Overtime #5

Man, I'm working up a sweat, I thought for sure Maryland was going to end it there with the last possession in the 4th overtime. I started this game and I am going to finish it no matter how many beers it takes. The lady Terps are getting worked early and need to step it up before they hand UCONN the National Championship. Toliver is riding the pine early with foul trouble. The fair weather UVA fans are showing up to the UMD/UVA game. UVA just got a penalty to start the 5th overtime, man up, do work, score a f&&King goal!!!!!!!

Overtime #4

This is insane, Maryland's goalie just came up with a huge save at the end of the third overtime to save the game. I hope the game lasts 2 more hours and nobody in the country is subjected to watching the hockey game between north dakota and UNH. Insanity in Charlottesville, if the Terps win there might be fires, overturned cars and the riot patrol on route 1. DO WORK SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Triple Overtime - Unreal

Shades of Syracuse/UCONN Big East Tourney!!!!!!!!!!! This is a nail biter for sure, Lady Terps started over on ESPN, tune in after the drama of Maryland Lacrosse for a beat down of #4 seed Vandy. Fear the Terps!!!!!!!!!

Double Overtime is Our Time????

UVA is getting so many calls its ridiculous, and Maryland coach Dave Cottle is showing shades of Gary Williams when he gets heated. This game is sick, Terps start double OT with the ball and better score. How many times do we have to cue the freakin zombie nation??????? Get it done Terps!!!!!!!!!

Overtime is Our Time

Well UVA's got balls, and they happened to fly passed our goalie three times in a 62 second span during the 4th quarter. We need overtime for this one, sudden death, get zombie nation ready to go to Bentley's. GO TERPS!!!!!!!!!!!! What the hell, UVA playing zombie nation, they must be confused.

P.S. UVA is getting calls from the refs like Coach K on his own court. B.S.

End of 3rd Quarter - Terps - 8, UVA - 5

After and offensive surge in the third quarter, including two goals by Maryland's Travis Reed, Maryland has jumped out to an 8-5 lead with one quarter left to play. The Terps continue to dominate physically and force turnovers, while UVA continues to show they are weak bitches with a loud pep band.

15 minutes to go, crunch time in Charlottesville, lets see if UVA can show why they are ranked 1st in the land or if the Terps are the team to beat in the NCAA Tournament. Early 4th quarter update, UVA scored 8-6 Terps, UVA band plays again, rent me a gun and buy me a bullet. HA, Terps answer 9-6, cue Zombie Nation, silence the band bitches!!!!!!!!!

End of 1st Half - MD - 2, UVA - 3

After I praised the Maryland goalie in the 1st quarter he goes and throws a 40 yard pass down field with 12 seconds on the clock, the ball gets intercepted and UVA scores with 1.1 seconds on the clock to make it a 2-3 game in favor of the Cavs.

Still Maryland continues to level UVA and force turnovers. Also Maryland has an advantage because they are wearing their under armour cleats, and whatever the hell UVA is wearing they keep falling.

The UVA pep band makes me want to kill myself. They are everywhere, even swim meets, and they haven't stopped playing the Rock and Roll Part II song the whole F&*King game. ESPNU piss poor camera work missed a goal and I'm getting mad. Maryland has a dude who used to play tight end at Notre Dame, 6-6, 260, beast. Early 3rd quarter update MD- 4, UVGAY - 4. Offense is heating up, cue zombie nation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1st Quarter - Terps vs UVA

At the end of the 1st quarter, #9 Maryland is giving the #1 team in the country all they can handle in Charlottesville, VA. Score: MD 2, UVA 1

This is a fierce rivalry and its playing out like a classic on the field. Already I have seen 3 guys get absolutely leveled and 1 fight about 2 minutes into the game. Maryland has no finess, but they are a bunch of monsters. They obviously play towards being a strong physical team who doesn't take crap off nobody.

Maryland's goalie is nasty and if it wasn't for the lazy zone defense the Terps switched to it would be 2-0. He saved 4 shots that were absolute rockets, impressive. Looking strong so far, but I didn't expect anything less from the Terps. No worries flapjack fans, the big guy is holding it down while D-Unit and the Flapjack drink martini's. Thats right, I'm questioning their fanhood in front of the ladies!!!!! Cue zombie nation, we're on upset alert in Charlottesville!!!!!!!!!

SATURDAY GUARANTEES!!!


Flapjack had a rough night last night going 1-4. However, we're still hitting 63% of the time, with a record of 8-5. However, today is going to be a bounce back day, Flapjack is feeling extremely confident with todays picks!
Here they are short and sweet. Enjoy!
Villanova vs. Pitt
Pitt favored by 2
THE PICK: VILLANOVA +2
Pitt has not looked good all tournament. Villanova on the hand has looked great. Novas guards should control the temp and the game.
UCONN vs. Missouri
UCONN favored by 5.5
THE PICK: UCONN -5.5
Stick with the Big East! Expect a let down by Missouri after knocking off Memphis. UCONN has looked solid all tourney and expect no different today.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Job Opening - Head Coach Kentucky Basketball


After just two seasons at Kentucky, Billy Gillispie is out as head coach after missing the NCAA tournament for the first time since 1991. Gillispie was 40-27 in two seasons, and recently ended his time with Kentucky losing to Notre Dame in the NIT.

How do you get rid of this guy after only two seasons? I mean, he only coached one freshman class that he actually recruited. I think you need to give someone at least 4 years to recruit and turnover some new players. Basically he was losing with players the last coaches recruited. Say what you want about the coaching end of it, but the bottom line is you can coach talent. Talent is recruited, and obviously Jodie Meek's one man scoring show, wasn't enough talent for Kentucky to win.

With that said I know exactly how to fix this situation. Forget hiring Billy Donovan, forget any of the top coaching names in the country/world. Kentucky basketball needs Ashley Judd if they are going to return to prominence. If she recruits in the above jersey we will be watching the second coming of the Fab Five in the 2009-2010 season. She is rich enough to slip some money under the table for the real blue chips, and she is hot enough that nobody would ever rat her out. I give Ashley a 4.6 on the Flapjack hard scale because she is hot and has an amazing passion for college basketball, and sports in general. I can see it now: Me: "Ashley what do you want to do for our anniversary?" Ashley: "I have to work, but you can sit next to me on the sidelines while I coach Kentucky basketball at the SEC Championships, and after I cut the nets down we can make love." Me: "Yes Ashley!"

Beware Flapjack!!

Flapjack I swear if any of the girls you introduce me to this weekend ass or face look like this. I will kill you!!

Flapjacks Friday Night Guarantees!!

Ok, I only went 2-2 last night. Pretty poor for my standards, but that still leaves me with an overall record of 7-2....which means the Flapjack Guarantee is still hitting 78% of the time. We've got all 4 games again for you tonight...and we're going 4-4 tonight! Put it in the books!!


Arizona vs. Louisville
Louisville favored by 9.5
THE PICK: ARIZONA +9.5
Louisville is a big favorite in this one, but I'm thinking 'Zona will cover. This is a Louisville team that barely got by Sienna and will be facing a Wildcat team that is extremely confident right now. I like Budinger, Hill, and Nic Wise to keep this game closer than people think. Take the Cats and the points.
Michigan St. vs. Kansas
Michigan St. favored by 1
THE PICK: MICHIGAN ST. -1
Michigan St. beat Kansas by 13 when they met earlier this season. This game will be closer than that, but not much. Sharon Collins will be neutralized by Kalin Lucas and as long as Michgan St can slow down Cole Aldrich in the middle, they should have no problem in this one.
Gonzaga vs. North Carolina
North Carolina favored by 8.5
THE PICK: GONZAGA +8.5
I think Gonzaga will keep this one closer than people think as well. Neither team is very physical and both teams like to get up and down the floor. This fits perfectly into both teams game plans. It's just a matter of who can do it better. Obviously UNC is the better team, but with Lawson still slowed by his toe injury, I think Gonzaga keeps this one close.
Syracuse vs. Oklahoma
Oklahoma favored by 1
THE PICK: SYRACUSE +1
I like for the Syracuse zone and Arinze Onuaku to slow down Blake Griffin enough where he won't dominate the game. I like Johnny Flynn, arguably the best point guard in the country, to control the tempo. And a**hole Devendorf will hit enough outside shot to lead the Orange past the Sooners.

Cheerleaders of the Sweet 16

A Friday treat! A gallery of cheerleaders from all sweet 16 teams.

No surprise that Duke has absolutely terrible cheerleaders, as well as a terrible team, and a terrible head coach. Nice job having a top 10 team every single season and not getting past the Sweet 16. In case anyone forgot, Maryland has won a National Championship more recently than Coach K and his Dukies.

Syracuse is pretty disappointing as well.

LeBron Hits Underhand Half-Court Shot

LeBron is simply ridiculous. An underhanded half-a**ed shot from half-court, nothing but net. If I tried this, my shot would have ended up 10 feet short and wide right by about 15 yards.

DoOKies get KOed by NOVA

Duke showed the world how teams live and die by the three point shots, especially in the NCAA tourney. You knew this was going to happen eventually, when you have no athletic players and no inside presence, your going to lose in the tournament.

DoOK showed again that they are consistently an average team. If it wasn't for Coach K and his ability to get average players to play like an extraordinary team they would be in the NIT . A big shout out to John Scheyer for shooting 3-18 from the field and 2-10 from beyond the arc. I mean give the guy credit, he knew he sucked and kept shooting anyway, right down to the last second when they walked off the court crying like the bitches they are.

Hey, at least they are probably going to get their college degrees because we sure as hell know none of these flunkies are going to the NBA. Sorry DoOKies another season of disappointment, but at least this year you made it past the 2nd round.

MORNING WOOD

Joanna Garcia - Star of the WB's Privileged.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Flapjack Thursday Night Guarantees!!

For the record, Flapjack Gurantees went 5-0 last week. You asked for more winners, you're going to get more tonight! No more picking one or two games per round...you got it folks!! All 4 games tonight!!



UCONN vs Purdue
UCONN Favored by 7
THE PICK: UCONN -7
Pretty simple - too much Thabet, too much athleticism from UCONN. Purde barely got by No. Iowa and Marquette. Their time is up.
Pitt vs Xavier
Pitt Favored by 7
THE PICK: Pitt -7
Again, going with the Big East as 'the best conference' in America. Hopefully the prove me right. As long as Blair stays out of foul trouble, there is no one on Xavier that can come close to slowing him down.
Memphis vs Missouri
Memphis Favored by 4.5
THE PICK: Memphis -4.5
You may wonder why Flapjack is going with all of the favorites here. Pretty simple...the favorites are all better. Is Memphis can continue to shoot the ball well from the outside there aren't many teams that are going to be able to stop them, especially not Missouri.
Duke vs Villanova
Duke Favored by 2.5
THE PICK: Villanova +2.5
First upset of the night and it's not much of an upset. I'm taking Nova's guards over Dukes guards. I think Dante Cunningham can and will handle Singler down low and Villanova overall is just too athletic for the Dookies.


Top 10 Rules of Flapjacks New Hard Scale



10 Rules of Flapjacks New Hard Scale
(see Flapjacks New Hard Scale for clarification on number values)


1) Never abandon a 4.4 or above hook

When you have a guaranteed 4.4 or above at the bar that you know you can hook, do not abandon her! There is always that temptation to see what else is out there because you think you can get a better looking girl, but chances are what you have in front of you is more than good enough. If you decide to leave your 4.4 and wander around the bar because you’re feeling good and you want see what else is out there, most likely two things will occur: 1) she will find another guy and 2) you will not find a better girl. Why does this happen you ask? The reason is simple, there are a ton of guys currently at the bar eyeing up the girl you’ve spent half of the night talking to. The second you walk away to survey the scene because you all of the sudden think you’re the sh*t, they will swoop in on her like a pack of hungry wolves. Maybe she’s not interested in them and she’s just patiently awaiting your return? Maybe she thinks one of these new guys is cute and enjoys his company? Either way, the risk/reward ratio here is not nearly high enough for you to take this chance. The lesson here is that unless you are absolutely 100% positive that you can get a better looking girl than the one you are currently with, stick with the 4.4 that you’re talking to.

2) Talk to 5 to stay alive

It is always a good idea to talk to at least five girls when you’re out at a bar, party, any social environment, or even walking down the street. Talking to numerous girls when you’re out, does numerous things for you. First of all, you don’t look like some schmuck standing in the corner holding your dick in your hand all night. It also gets you into a rhythm, gets you in the flow of the evening, gets your juices going, and most importantly it allows you to fine tune your game. Think of it like this; A-Rod isn’t going to step into the batters box to face a 95 mph Roger Clemens fastball without a little batting practice, right? You wouldn’t walk right up to Jessica Alba, or in your case a 4.4+, and hit on her without warming your game up either. You’d mingle and shoot the sh*t with some lesser known celebrity types like Nicole Ritchie or Shar Jackson before making your way up to the A-list celebrities. Before you make your way to the girl of your dreams, we recommend taking a few swings during batting practice, before making your leap to the World Series.

3) When in a slump…lower your standards

When you’ve gone two consecutive weekends without hooking up or at the very least getting a 4.4+ number, then it’s time to lower the bar just a bit. Everyone has a cold streak from time to time, it’s part of the game…even Joe Montana threw a few interceptions every now and then. When most people go out they usually meet or talk to one, two, or a few girls each night. However, we’ve all experienced cold spells or times when only the girls who we know that we can do better than are willing to talk to us. If you’re riding a streak where you have not hooked up or have not gotten a 4.4 + number in consecutive weekends, then it’s time to bite the bullet and take one for the team as they say. Even though your friends may make fun of you and give you a hard time for hooking a girl below your standards, the bottom line is that this will get you off the schnied. YOU will be the one hooking up that night while your friends will be the ones going home to their Playboy subscriptions. Everyone has done this, we’re not all proud of it, but sometimes it just has to be done…bottom line.

4) Keep something on the back burner

When you have a girl that you can call any night of the week and you can hook her, but you are not technically in a relationship where you have to spend much or any time with this person…this, my friends, is having something on the backburner. A lot of times this may be easier said then done and we understand that. However, have you ever noticed how much easier and naturally and effortlessly you can talk to girls when you have another girl waiting on you. This does not mean a girlfriend, as we are totally against cheating on significant others. What we are talking about is when you have a girl who you may or may not be that into, but you could hook her at anytime if you wanted…a booty call if you will. Having a person like this in your life WILL help your game. Whether this girl is a 4.1 or a 4.3, the number does not matter, what does matter is that you’ll now be able to mingle and talk to girls without a care in the world because you’ve already got someone you know you can hook. If you strike out at the bar that night, who cares? If you get a 4.4+ number that night, fantastic! Ultimately, having a girl on the back burner allows you to be yourself because you know in the back of your mind that even if you have zero luck at the bar you have something waiting for you when you get home.

5) NEVER COCKBLOCK!!

This is a rule that every guy should know, but sadly some do not. We all have that one friend who either intentionally or unintentionally cockblocks us without fail. We’re not really sure why he does this or what his actual motives behind this are, but regardless of what they are…it’s f*cked up. He may tell you that he’s just trying to talk you up to her or that he’s just trying to help you out, but in reality he’s closing in on your girl while all you can do is stand around waiting for him to leave. This is a very touchy subject because if you confront your friend about it he will obviously deny the whole situation and then get mad at you for accusing him of cockblocking. To all of the cockblockers out there : When you see your boy talking to a girl, feel free to give him a thumbs up or a pat on the back and then keep right on moving and find your own damn girl!

6) Keep the Hot Streak in tact

We’ve all been there, we know what it’s like when we’re riding that hot streak and we’ve hooked up or gotten quality numbers for a few nights/weekends in a row. Every girl in the bar is looking at us, making small talk with us, or you just have that confidence about you where you think, and more importantly know, that you can pull any girl in the bar tonight…things can’t get any better than how they are right now. But be careful, it’s easy to fall into a trap here and hook a girl who is less than a 4.4 in order to keep your hot streak alive. You must realize that when you are riding this hot streak your demand is at its highest point…don’t settle! Feel free to mix it up with a few 4.2s or 4.3s to keep your game sharp, but realize that you deserve more than that at this point. Be patient, good things come to those who wait. Ride that hot streak until your time is up and unfortunately everyone’s time is up at some point.

7) Don’t let your environment take you out of your game

We’ve all been out when the bar is empty or there aren’t that many people out or you’re just with a suspect group of people. You cannot let outside factors effect your game. Don’t let a rainy night, a sparse crowd, or not your regular group of friends effect what your goal is for that night. If your goal is to meet a girl then stick to your guns and stick to your game plan. The Yankees don’t bench A-Rod in Game 7 of the World Series just because he’s in a 2 for 25 slump. They stick to what has gotten them to that point, just as you should stick to what you set out to do at the beginning of the night. 90% of the time when you approach a girl you approach her by yourself. It doesn’t matter what chump friends are out with you…she wants YOU, not your loser friends. And yes, people still go out when it rains. As hard as it is to believe, rainy nights may actually be some of the easiest nights to meet girls. There are fewer guys out when it rains, which means there is less competition, therefore, making it easier for you to get some quality time with that girl you’ve been eyeing up all night. The bars are less crowded and less noisy when the weather is not ideal making it easier for you to get yourself into the right position and spit that A-game of yours.

8) Never hesitate

This is the one and only time that you should go against Rule #2. These nights usually come along when you’re riding that hot streak and everything seems to be going your way. This is the time when you walk into the bar and BAM you see a 4.4 + eyeing you up big time or you walk into the bar and within the first few minutes you see that girl that you just have to talk to. When this happens, you need to take full advantage of the situation that is presenting itself because this does happen often. Think of it this way, it’s first and 10 and Tony Dungy just sent in a handoff play to Peyton Manning, Peyton thinks to himself OK and calls the play. However, as soon at Peyton gets to the line of scrimmage he sees 10 guys in box and no safety. Peyton calls the audible and hits Marvin Harrison for a touchdown pass. When something at the bar looks that irresistible, sometimes you just need to call the audible and go for the touchdown. Simply put, there is no need to waste your time talking to five 4.2s tonight, throw Rule #2 out the window here. All you need to do is walk over with a smile on your face and say Hi. The rest as they say, is history.

9) Keep the crickets at bay

Remember that time when you met a great girl and you thought things were going perfectly then all of a sudden you have absolutely nothing to say. Your mind is blank and the only sound you can here is the crickets chirping off in the distance. Needless to say, when this happens, your ship is quickly sinking and “your girl” is quickly looking for a way out of this uncomfortable situation. Most girls are easy to talk to, but some are more guarded, quiet, or shy and for these situations and in order to keep those crickets from chirping you need to be prepared with numerous topics to talk about. It may feel like pulling teeth at first, getting this girl to talk, but be persistent and she will usually loosen up. We like to follow the 10 minute rule. If you are the only one adding anything to the conversation after 10 min…then you tell her that it was great talking to her, but you need to go make sure your friends haven’t left yet and that you’ll talk to her later. Maybe she realizes she made a mistake by letting you walk away and when you walk past her again 15 minutes from now she’ll be a little more engaging. If not, then she was not worth your time in the first place and you need to move on to bigger and better things.

10) Even Derek Jeter goes 0-4 some nights!!

Just like in baseball, there are going to be more bad nights than there are good ones. You only have to get a hit 3 out of 10 times in baseball to be a Hall of Famer. This means that even Babe Ruth struck out 7 out of 10 times, so if you go seven nights in a row without meeting someone up to your standards do not get discouraged. Derek Jeter strikes out plenty of times, but he still has faith in his ability just as you need to believe in yourself. Everyone’s time comes when they’ll have the perfect night and meet that 4.4 + they’ve been waiting for, just as everyone has to take their lumps and ride out those cold streaks. Don’t give up just because you’ve had a few weeks of meeting girls who you know you can do better than, it happens. We like to refer to these as foul balls…you keep your eye on the ball, keep taking quality at-bats, and it’s only a matter of time before you hit one out of the park!



The Big Flapjack turn 1,000!!

CC = DOMINATION

Well, we can pretty much guarantee one thing if everything goes as scheduled for the New York Yankees: We are going to win the first game in the new stadium because CC is going to pitch. Sidenote: he is also pitching the regular season opener.

Well that makes us 2-0 and already 1 game up on everybody in the AL East. Big Joe is also considering switching Damon and Jeter in the line-up, having Jeter leadoff and Damon bat second. Either way it doesn't matter, unless you play fantasy baseball.

Only 160 games left until the playoffs and we are undefeated, 2-0.

Anna Kournikova Playing Beer Pong

Anna Kournikova is still the single hottest female athlete of all-time. Hands-down, no question about it. Easily a 4.6 on the New Hard Scale...we may even have to make an exception and create a score of 4.7 - just for Anna herself.

Any girl that can look like that playing beer pong is a definite keeper. Everyone always gives her a hard time because she never "won anything" in tennis. Who cares?!! When you look as good as Anna does you can do whatever the hell you want whenever you want, and not give a damn about how many titles you may or may not have won throughout your career.

Andy Roddick and a Muppett

I'm not sure exactly what is going on in this picture. First, we have Andy with a sh*t eating grin on his face, like he just jizzed in his pants. Second, what the hell is a muppett doing there?? What does a muppett have to do with Andy Roddick or Macy's or Lacoste?? And finally, well I'm not even going to start with the kid on the left.

MORNING WOOD

Mila Kunis
Star of That 70's Show and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Also, a Flapjack favorite and obvious 4.6 on the New Hard Scale. Unfortunately she's still with that chump Macaulay Culkin.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Terps - Protect This House


In case you are looking to fill the void in you life left by the early departure of Maryland Men's Basketball from the NCAA tournament, look no further. This Saturday clear your schedule for an afternoon filled with two of the best varsity athletic teams the Terps boast year in and year out, Lacrosse and Women's Basketball.

No tickets, no problem. Both of these games will be broadcasted live on National television, starting first with Maryland Lacrosse vs Virginia, 12pm ESPN2. The Terps started off ranked #3 in the country, and after a couple of losses to Georgetown and UMBC (U Made a Bad Choice), they have dropped to #10 in the National rankings. Virginia is ranked #1 in the country, so the Terps will look to show they are still a contender for a National Title when they battle the Cavs in Charlottesville.

Next up, a 2:30pm showdown between the Lady Terps and Vanderbilt, make sure you switch over to ESPN for this one. The Terps easily took care of business in the first two games of the big dance, and look to continue on their path to the Final Four. With Kristi Toliver, the most clutch women's basketball player ever, it shouldn't be a problem.

I'm pretty excited about both of these match ups. I really hope we beat UVA because I hate them almost as much as Duke. And ever since I saw Toliver drain a 3-pointer in Duke's face in the National Championship game when she was only a Freshman, I have enjoyed watching the Lady Terps in action. Plus I decided I need to stop drinking during the weekdays, so a 12pm face off will give me an early start to my Saturday. I'm calling for a "Blackout" on Saturday for all Terps fans, literally and figuratively.

Flapjacks Afternoon Junk Pile...

Hot girls (funtasticus)

Where the Wild Things Are Trailer (filmdrunk)

Lady Terps eat kids (totalprosports)

Hot girl shopping in lingerie (the grumpiest)

Seth Curry to transfer (ventaboutsports)

Eric Devendorf is a tool (coed)

Katie Price looking good (on205th)

NBA Cheerleaders (uncoached)

UConn cheats (yardbarker)

Flapjacks New Hard Scale (with pictures)

We thought we'd add a few visuals to our New Hard Scale in order to hopefully clarify what exactly is a 4.6 - Supermodel Type compared to a 4.4 - Long Term Date-able.


4.6 - Supermodel Type (Cheryl Cole…gorgeous! #1 Marry this girl and do not let her leave your sight. Ever!)

4.5 - Marriage Material (Sophia Bush - Sophia is definitely a Flapjack favorite, but scores just slightly behind Cheryl Cole. Still this is a girl you would want to marry instantly.)


4.4 - Long Term Date-able (Kristen Bell - Good wholesome girl, you could spend a lot of time with, without getting sick of her right away. Not quite sure if she's marriage material or not.)


4.3 - Date-able (Anne Hathaway - Very pretty and as my buddy Sleazy said, "If we saw her in person we'd probably fall head over heels for her." She still doesn't compare to the girls above her on the scale.)


4.2 - Average (Fergie - For the record, I'm not a fan of Fergie. Her face is horrendous! She does have a very nice body, which evens out her face = Average)


4.1 and below - Not Date-able or Terrible (Madonna - absolutely awful! I'm not sure what the hell A-Rod was thinking when he hooked up with her!?)
Guys are always bragging about how hot the girl they met last night was. They may tell you she was a 10, his friends may say she was a 7 or maybe even worse....who really knows for sure? We have come up with a way to settle this dispute once and for all. We like to call this the Flapjack New Hard Scale. The way we came up with the Flapjack New Hard Scale is by instead of using the current scale of 1-10 that everyone disputes over and can't agree on, we chose to base ours on the field goal percentage of NBA future Hall of Famer, Allen Iverson. Allen Iverson's career field goal percentage is 42%, which means the average girl on the Flapjack New Hard Scale would be a 4.2
Our scale only ranges from 3.9 - 4.6 39% was Iversons worst year (03-04) and 46% was Iversons best season. (97-98) Meaning a 3.9 is the lowest score a girl can receive and a 4.6 would be the highest score.
4.6 - Supermodel Type (Highest score available b/c Iverson never shot better than 46% from the field in any given season)
4.5 - Marriage Material
4.4 - Long Term Datable
4.3 - Datable - Short Term Fix (Not sure if she's long term worthy)
4.2 - Average Girl
4.1 and Below - Not Datable (Terrible)
This scale may seem a little harsh if you think about rating your current girlfriend as a 4.3, but these are the cold hard facts my friends. We're not here to make friends, we're here to provide an accurate universal rating method.

Patrick Chewing? WTF!??

Patrick if you are that hard up for cash just let me know. I will talk to The Big Flapjack to get you an exclusive interview. You owe me anyway from our days at the Gold Club in Atlanta!

Letterman's Top 10 Reasons For Marriage

I thought #6 could apply to my buddy Sleazy....

"When you're my age and look like I do, if someone says they'll marry you, you do it."

Worst T-Shirt Ever

I'm not sure what kind of moron would actually wear this shirt in public....or anywhere for that matter. You, honestly, would have to be the stupidest human being in the world to actually wear/buy/make this t-shirt. I'm telling you, this T-shirt wouldn't fly on the mean streets of DC.

A Rihanna song for you here.

Iverson must pay $260,000


Apparently the man who we based our New Hard Scale on is having more issues with the law. This comes back from 2005 when one of Iversons bodyguards beat the crap out of some random dude at Eyebar in DC.
Iversons bodyguard beat Marlin Godfrey with a bottle while Iverson stood on and watched. Godfrey ended up with a torn rotator cuff, concussion, ruptured eardrum, and a burst blood vessel in his eye.
All of this will cost Iverson over $260,000.

MORNING WOOD

Laura Leigh
Star of ABC's True Beauty and an obvious 4.6 on the New Hard Scale

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Flapjack New Hard Scale


Guys are always bragging about how hot the girl they met last night was. They may tell you she was a 10, his friends may say she was a 7 or maybe even worse....who really knows for sure? We have come up with a way to settle this dispute once and for all. We like to call this the Flapjack New Hard Scale. The way we came up with the Flapjack New Hard Scale is by instead of using the current scale of 1-10 that everyone disputes over and can't agree on, we chose to base ours on the field goal percentage of NBA future Hall of Famer, Allen Iverson. Allen Iverson's career field goal percentage is 42%, which means the average girl on the Flapjack New Hard Scale would be a 4.2

Our scale only ranges from 3.9 - 4.6 39% was Iversons worst year (03-04) and 46% was Iversons best season. (97-98) Meaning a 3.9 is the lowest score a girl can receive and a 4.6 would be the highest score.

4.6 - Supermodel Type (Highest score available b/c Iverson never shot better than 46% from the field in any given season)

4.5 - Marriage Material

4.4 - Long Term Datable

4.3 - Datable - Short Term Fix (Not sure if she's long term worthy)

4.2 - Average Girl

4.1 and Below - Not Dateable (Terrible)


This scale may seem a little harsh if you think about rating your current girlfriend as a 4.3, but these are the cold hard facts my friends. We're not here to make friends, we're here to provide an accurate universal rating method.

Asher Roth!! 4/20/09


Flapjack Madness!

Yvonne Strahovski


Minka Kelly



Hey Cleveland - F**k You!!


There aren't many things better than professional athletes talking sh*t to fans. However, that's exactly what we have right here. I'm not the biggest Redskins fan in the world, but I do enjoy some good sh*t talking! And Cleveland is pretty much the worst place in America to live, so I don't blame Cooley at all for not wanting to live in that hell hole. As far as worst cities to live in America, I think the top 3 have to be Cleveland, Detroit, and maybe Cincinnati? I can't name one positive thing that Cincinnati has ever done.

Afternoon Junk Pile...

Fun with FSU cheerleaders! (uncoached)

New Englands Lingerie football team (don chavez)

Hot girls in whipped cream (phil knows best)

Winnie Cooper from Wonder Years gets hitched (tmz)

Bruce Willis marries someone hotter than Demi Moore (yeeeah)

American Idols Bikini Girl - Looks good in bikini (egotastic)

Japan win WBC - No one cares (mlb)

Rocky McIntosh paintballing with little kids (redskins blog)

Old School C-Webb commercial (bullets forever)

Flapjack Madness!



Katie Price















Laura Leigh

He's Baaaaack!

In honor of Gilbert Arenas making his long awaited season debut this Saturday, we decided to showcase The Best of Gilbert.

MORNING WOOD

Nadine Coyle

Monday, March 23, 2009

Curt Schilling Retires - Finally


Curt Schilling announced today that he is retiring from baseball, and would like to thank his fans, coaches, blah, blah, blah.

Lets cut to the chase, thank god this guy is retiring. If it wasn't for this scumbag the Yankees would have 28 World Series Titles instead of 26. He just dominated the Bronx Bombers in the big games while he was with both the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Boston Red Sox. I would have respect for him because he dominated us (yes I consider myself to be part of the Yankees) but he loves to bash the Yankees whenever he gets a chance. Just because you had a ketchup stain on your sock during a crucial ALCS game, and claim its blood, doesn't make you a hero.

I think its a sign that the Yankees are going to win the World Series this year. Hopefully he won't pull a Roger Clemens and comeback mid season because you know he would ruin a Yankees championship run. All he would have to do is wait until the playoffs, and its a guaranteed win. Anyway, I won't be shedding any tears, happy trails Curt, have fun not getting into the Hall of Fame.

Team Obliterator


T.O. is making another great impression on his new Buffalo Bills team. On Monday, Team Obliterator missed the first day of the Bills voluntary offseason conditioning program, which I'm sure won't be his last missed team function, voluntary or mandatory.


Of course this is an optional team session, and T.O. probably doesn't need any conditioning because he looks like the incredible hulk, but doesn't it send a small negative message to the Bills? He is already saying "Yeah my collar is popped, because I'm the F**King man and everybody should know it". This is the beginning of the end, and I'm not even counting him bitching about getting his number once he became a Bill, and thats only because he paid the guy significant amount of money for his number.


The way I see it now the Jets only have to worry about the Patriots. T.O. is going to destroy the Bills. Chad Pennington will have a season ending injury because he does every year after he plays awesome and wins comback player of the year. If we get Michael Vick or Jay Cutler, its going to be a great season.

Wizards Discuss NCAA Tournament



Caron and a few other Wizards discussing the NCAA tourney. We missed Juans prediction that the Terps would get blown out by 40 in the second round. In other news, JaVale McGee does not like being told that he looks like Barack Obama.

Be Careful Pumping Gas...


What's this you ask? This is what happens when you apparently insert the gas pump too far into your car. You need the gas attendant to come with an entire tool box and work on your car for 15 min. While yelling at you in a language you can barely understand for not knowing how to pump gas. I've been pumping gas for 13 years and not once have I ever had this problem! I'm guessing this has probably happened to no more than 1% of the US, but it happened to Flapjack alright.